


rip right through me

by ericdire (aarobron)



Series: two of a kind beats all hands tonight [4]
Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: M/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:47:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29157639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aarobron/pseuds/ericdire
Summary: “It’s him, isn’t it?” Stella whispers. She doesn’t sound horrified, like Virgil expected her to. She sounds defeated, like she always knew this day would come. “You’re in love with Jordan.”
Relationships: Virgil van Dijk/Jordan Henderson, Virgil van Dijk/Original Character(s)
Series: two of a kind beats all hands tonight [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1794232
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	rip right through me

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this missing scene takes place between them having sex and jordan waking up the next morning. it's from virgil's pov, just to fill in a blank.
> 
> thank you for reading – feedback and kudos always appreciated xx

Virgil wakes slowly, feeling more content than he ever has in his life. 

Jordan is still next to him, chest rising and falling with every breath, and the slight ache in Virgil’s stomach loosens. He hadn’t even realised it was there, but it disappears completely when Jordan’s fingers flex against his hip.

He’s so peaceful like this, in a way that he never gets to be when he’s awake. He’s been through so much, has Jordan – his so-called family have put him through the worst of it, and now, Virgil realises with a rolling wave of nausea, he’s been putting him through something just as bad. 

Planning the wedding must have nearly killed him. All this time, he’s been feeling ––– and Virgil has just strung him along like a lost little puppy, breaking his heart time and time again. He feels sick, pressing the back of his hand to his mouth to try and shove the feeling away, but he knows that there’s only one thing that’s going to fix this.

He has to put a stop to this, once and for all. 

He takes one look at Jordan’s sleeping face and swallows, brushing a lock of hair out of his face. He presses a kiss to his forehead just because he can, because he’s allowed now and it’s so inviting and he’s never, ever been this in love with someone in his life, and when that thought gets too much, he rolls out of bed.

It hurts, leaving Jordan, but he knows he has to do it. He takes one look back over his shoulder and then swallows, snatching Jordan’s dressing gown off the hook that’s drilled into the back of his door. He feels too exposed to do this.

He ties it tightly around his waist and buries his nose in the collar. It smells like Jordan, like his aftershave and the intrinsic scent that clings to his skin. It’s clinging to Virgil’s skin right now, draped over him like a heavy, comforting blanket. He loves the way it feels, the way it sends his head spinning. It’s so incredibly intimate with the one person he’s always felt most comfortable with.

But it doesn’t pay to be waxing poetic about Jordan right now. He’s got one thing to do and he has to do it properly, so he slips into the bathroom and closes the door behind him, fist clenched tight around his phone. He stands because there’s nothing else to do, and scrolls through his contact until he finds the one he’s looking for.

**Stella ❤️**

She answers on the second ring. He should be expecting it but he’s not, and it makes him jump when he hears her bright voice over the phone. Bitterness floods his mouth – _is she over it already? Does she think I’m just going to roll over and take it?_ – but he swallows it and mumbles hello.

“We need to talk,” he whispers, cutting through her mindless chattering. She’s clearly not as upbeat as she’s pretending to be, because she stops mid-sentence. The only sound is her breathing. “We need to talk, Stel.”

“You’re not coming to Cambodia, are you?” She asks quietly. Her voice wobbles but she pulls herself together and finishes the question strong. Virgil’s so proud of her he wants to cry. “You’re not coming.”

“No,” Virgil admits, biting on the skin around his thumbnail. It’s easier than he thought it would be to say it. He’s been worrying about this for a long time. “I can’t uproot my entire life, Stella. I’m happy here. I have a career I adore and I don’t want to leave my friends and family behind.”

“And Jordan,” Stella adds. She doesn’t sound bitter.

Virgil ignores that part.

“But ––” he says, stutters, hesitates. This is harder to say than he thought it would be. He feels like he’s spilling his guts. “I don’t think you should come home, either.”

“What?” She breathes quickly, like she’s been slapped in the face. “You mean––?”

“You should stay in Cambodia. You’re happy there, happier than you ever were here. It’s written all over your face,” he sighs. He rubs his eyes, and wishes he was back in bed with Jordan. Anywhere but here.

“No, I’m not ––” she argues, but it’s so pathetically flat. It’s obvious that she loves it there. “What about us, Virgil? We’re supposed to be getting married.”

He doesn’t say anything. He can’t.

“It’s him, isn’t it?” Stella whispers. She doesn’t sound horrified, like Virgil expected her to. She sounds defeated, like she always knew this day would come. “You’re in love with Jordan.” 

His silence gives her all the answers she needs.

“How long?” She asks, pressuring him to answer. He’s finding it difficult to unstick his tongue from the roof of his mouth.

“I don’t know,” he says. It’s a lie, but everyone always says white lies are okay to stop someone hurting unnecessarily. 

“How long, Virgil?” She says. Her voice is harder this time, and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Since we’ve been together? _Always_?”

“Yes!” He snaps, just because he can’t stand it anymore. He’s got to get it off his chest because it feels like he’s crushing him. “Always, _always_. I have always been in love with him, as long as I remember, but I didn’t know what it was. I promise you that, I didn’t know what it was. And I loved you. I still do. I love you, Stella.”

The silence is sickening. Virgil is terrified he’s said the wrong thing. 

“But not in the way you’re supposed to,” she says eventually. Virgil lets out the breath he’s been holding and wipes his eyes roughly. “God, Virgil. Could you not have told me this earlier?” 

“I didn’t –” he insists, but he doesn’t have it in him to finish the sentence. He just needs to be wrapped in Jordan’s arms, knowing he’s loved. God knows somebody has to. 

“I still have to come home,” she says flatly. “Even if I take the job offer, I won’t start for another few months. So I need to come home. To our house. Or –– yours, I guess. It’s your house. And I can’t deal with any weirdness, alright?”

“Okay?” He says, voice small. He’s not quite sure what’s going on. “So…?”

“So we are going to talk this out before I get home,” she says. “I mean it. I want this sorted before I catch my flight back. Can you do that?” 

“Yes,” he breathes quickly. He does love Stella. The worst part of all of this is losing her. 

“Good.” She says. It sounds final, but he knows there’s something else on the tip of her tongue, so he stays on the line. 

The only sound that fills up the space between them is the crackly sound of their breathing.

“I am happy for you,” she says quietly, eventually. He dips his head and wipes his cheeks. “The world and her wife can see how perfect the two of you are for each other. I knew this was going to happen.”

“Then why did you stay with me?” He whispers.

“Hope,” she says. “Blind, stupid hope. Listen, I’ve got to get ready for work. I’ll give you a few days, okay? I’ll call you at the weekend.”

“Okay,” Virgil says. “Bye, Stella.”

It sounds a lot like finality.

The line goes dead, but he stays there, phone pressed against his ear. It’s weird. He thought he’d feel sad about ending his almost two year relationship, about calling off the wedding, about destroying everything he’s built with the woman he thought he loved. He thought he’d be sad, but instead, he just feels relieved. Like a weight has been lifted.

He slips back into the bedroom quietly and shoves his phone on the chest of drawers, hanging Jordan’s dressing gown up neatly where it was before he picked it up. Jordan is still fast asleep, mouth parted and arm around Virgil’s pillow like he’s clinging to the scent.

His heart hurts again, but in the best way, and he smiles, mouth quirking up at the corners. 

He’s happy.

He finally knows what it feels like to be happy.

He slides back under the duvet and laughs quietly when Jordan’s arms tighten around him immediately. He loves it, loves the feeling. It should be a lot of pressure, really, knowing someone loves him _this_ much, but ––

He’s blessed. Someone is up there looking down on him and decided he deserves the best thing in the world.

He tightens his arms around Jordan’s shoulders and kisses the top of his head.

Whispers, “I love you.”

Falling asleep like this is the easiest thing he’s ever done, because he knows he’s going to wake up to the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @ [georginiwijnaldum](https://georginiwijnaldum.tumblr.com/) xo


End file.
